My Mams Cancer journey

 Hi again, I realised a couple of days ago that a lot of you probably don’t actually know Mams journey from diagnosis to her passing. It was one heck of a journey, the most difficult thing I’ve witnessed and been a part of. I don’t know the exact dates for everything so some of it will have to be a rough timeline! 

December 2021: Mam was quite ill for a while, nausea, stomach pain and vomiting. She used to get up before me to go to work so I would hear her most mornings vomiting for hours then getting up to go to work and do an 8 hour shift. After a day or two of this happening I told her that she needed to go to the Doctors. She phoned the Doctors and they arranged to see her that day. The prescribing Paramedic referred her to the hospital for an endoscopy and gastroscopy. Nothing was detected on the endoscopy but during the gastroscopy they found a tumour and it was then that she was diagnosed with colorectal Cancer.  

The following February she had severe abdominal pain and I had to phone an Ambulance. She was admitted to hospital where they found a tear in her bowel which was causing the pain. Whilst they repaired the tear on her bowel they also operated to remove the tumour. After the operation she was left with a stoma bag which was never reversed. The chemo journey then started where she would go for an infusion once a week. Whilst she was on chemo and getting regular scans they found some mets on her Lungs.

During chemo Mam developed severe neuropathy and they were also starting to struggle to find veins so they fitted her with a Hickman line to make it easier. The line worked well for a while but one day in around June/ July 2023 she became severely ill and was admitted to hospital where tests confirmed that she had Sepsis caused by an infection in the line. During her hospital stay Doctors came to tell us that they had found mets on her Liver. She continued the severe chemo regimen and remained stable for a little while. 

In March 2024 she became very dizzy with a severe headache so an Ambulance was called and she was taken to hospital again. They did scans and found a small lesion on her brain. She was offered radiotherapy to attempt to shrink it. This lesion/ tumour changed her. It changed her entire personality and it was like I lost her even though she was still alive. She became grumpy, aggressive and very forgetful. Even during our last Disney trip in April although we had a good time it was a difficult trip for me as she was quite nasty to me during some of the trip. I know it was the tumour talking and not her but it was still incredibly difficult. When we got back from our trip she began radiotherapy in May. During this time she wasn’t allowed to drive due to the risk of seizures. 

Radiotherapy didn’t have the effect we hoped so she was again admitted to hospital with headaches, dizziness and the inability to walk. In hospital she was barely responsive and couldn’t even pick up her phone to text me or anything. I still remember phoning almost every department in the hospital wanting someone to tell me where and how she was. I don’t think I’ve ever felt worry like it. They wanted to discharge Mam home after only one day for us to care for her there. I had to argue with the nurse as she couldn’t walk, her bedroom was upstairs and Dad works full time. They soon realised that she couldn’t be sent home yet until more things were in place. There were many phone calls from the hospital at times where they thought she wasn’t going to make it. 

After a few weeks in the hospital and after us receiving the equipment she was discharged home to be kept comfortable and had carers come in 4 times a day. I was still in denial that we were losing her and I held onto every last tiny piece of hope that she might get better. Mam was only home for two days when me and Dad realised we couldn’t give her the care she needed. She was refusing to eat, take medicine, she kept trying to climb out of bed even though she couldn’t walk and she was having seizures. These seizures were traumatising to watch and I quite often still see them when I close my eyes.  

Thankfully, a space became available in a hospice not too far away so she was taken there to spend her last days. The hospice was so beautiful. She had her own room with a view out onto a huge garden. She was able to see the birds and even had some squirrels and foxes visit! They made her whatever she wanted to eat and it meant for the last few weeks of her life I was able to be her daughter and not her carer. On the 18th of July we were told to get to the hospice as soon as we were able as she was fading, I spent all day holding her hand and telling her how much I loved her and how it was ok for her to go if she needed to. I got no response from her as she was having a lot of seizures and was unresponsive. 

On the 19th of July at 2:15am Mam lost her battle to cancer. We had just missed her by about 10 minutes. Seeing her in that room was heartbreaking. I knew she was at peace but I so badly wanted her to wake up. I miss Mam so much and the journey she went on was traumatic. I’ve received counselling and I have a wonderful support network around me. I just wish we could find a cure for Cancer. 

Debra 

20.03.66 - 19.07.24